“Hurry”.
“Faster”.
“Move”.
All words you will hear me shout in the morning while getting my crew ready for school.
There is something about school mornings that simply stress. me. out.
I have never considered myself a patient person, but it wasn’t until just recently that I realized just how bad I have gotten.
I am always rushing my family. And honestly, I have no idea why I do it.
Megan was playing with her toys the other day and she was playing school and she started shouting at her dolls to “move faster, we don’t want to be late”. It wasn’t so much the words but her tone and when I asked her why she was talking so ugly to her dolls, she looked up at me and said “I am the mommy and mommies yell at their babies to hurry”.
BOOM! Convicted.
I can’t blame that learned behavior on teachers or friends from school, that yelling was all me.
Our friend Chelsea was over one afternoon not to long ago for a play date and she blew me away with her patience when dealing with her kids. Like, I just stood there in awe and wanted her to lay hands on me and transfer her patience and calm nature over into me. I watched her and once again I was convicted and I knew I needed to take note and really start to practice my patience.
And that is just what I have been doing, practicing. It isn’t easy but I know that to be an effective mom, I need to stop always yelling. I am tired of yelling. These five things, as silly as they may seem have really been helping me work on my patience.
1) Recognize your triggers. For me, my mornings were a big trigger that always led to yelling and being frustrated. Once I recognized this, it was easier to take action. And that has meant changing up our morning routine. Waking up earlier. Prepping more the night before. Sometimes I am tired and I don’t like it and want to sleep earlier/or in later, but when I feel like we are late or rushed I become angry and quickly resort to yelling. And I don’t want my kids to be stressed and yelled at as I am dropping them off for school. They leave the car defeated, and I leave the car feeling even more defeated and like a failure.
2.) Take A Time Out. Yup, sometimes mama needs to go stand in the corner. Or the bathroom. Or any place you feel safe and alone to take a few deep breaths, and get your emotions in check.
3.) Focus On The Big Picture. Oh how many times I have lost my temper over the silliest of things. Sometimes I have to take a step back and remind myself that they are just kids. They are supposed to be messy and unreasonable. They aren’t supposed to be those things all the time, but sometimes I lose sight of what is really important and stress over a mess or the dishes in the sink instead of seeing those things as blessings.
4.) Fake It. Yup I said it. Fake it until you make it ladies. Let’s not pretend that we all haven’t done the whole yelling at the kids in the car about everything under the sun and then the teacher opens the door at the car rider drop off and all of a sudden we do a quick 180 and it’s “Mommy loves you sweetie, have such a good day. Kisses.” in our best mom voice. You know what I am talking about….we are all guilty. If we can fake it for the teachers or strangers in the stores, why can’t we just fake it at home? Pretend there are cameras watching…you would be surprised how much it can change your attitude.
5.) Pray. Pray and pray often. Pray for your kids. For your spouse. For yourself. Pray for wisdom and patience. I have been waking early before everyone else in my house and just praying and focusing on James 1:19-20. Quick to listen. Slow to speak. Slow to anger. It isn’t easy and so I pray daily and remind myself of that verse.
What about you mamas? What are some ways that you practice patience? Do you find yourself quick to listen and slow to anger like our friend Chelsea, or do you lose your cool more times than you care to admit like me?
Ha. You are too kind. Here are my two cents:
1. Your tone changes their tone. The more you yell, the more they get stressed. The calmer you are, they calmer they allow themselves to get.
2. Figure out THEIR triggers. Keep them from being bored, hungry, tired, etc. as often as possible and they’ll have better attitudes. (This is why my four year old still naps.)
3. Prepare! Not just lunches, clothes, etc. But I find that things go smoothly whenever I prepare him for what is going to happen. “In the morning I am going to wake up and take a shower. Then I’ll come to your bed for morning cuddles. Then you can watch Toy Trains while you eat breakfast and I get ready. Then we’ll need to get you dressed and hurry to school!” He’s prepared, I’m prepared. He has already agreed to it.
Not to say this works perfectly— you’ve witnessed the meltdowns. But it helps!
Love LOVE love this! I am a pretty patient person by nature, but it’s because I had to learn it when teaching high schoolers for nine years. It’s since transferred to my parenting. Thank the Lord! But it’s really because I try and do all these things you listed. I struggle on the reg, but I take a time-out, look at the big picture, and I pray! 😉 Get it, girl!
Great post! And great tips from Chelsea, too! (Preparing is big for Kennedy – I tell her a million times what is going to happen so there are no surprises, although sometimes she still doesn’t like what’s happening haha) I’ve noticed lately that Kennedy is raising her voice a lot more and I really think it’s partly our fault.
“sometimes I lose sight of what is really important and stress over a mess or the dishes in the sink instead of seeing those things as blessings.”
This. THIS! Amen to this! I am constantly working on this one. And utilizing prayer is such a strong way to get the craziness (in my own head) in check.
Thanks for sharing this. I needed it.
I loved this and I love your 5 steps to patient parenting. This is an area I’m always working on and striving to do better in. I’m so thankful that God has my back!
Thanks for sharing.
xoxo
Love this article and the tips from you and Chelsea. I used to be a very patient person before I became a parent. Although my daughter is a very good girl and cooperative child, I find myself losing patience only during her mealtimes. Actually sometimes it helps if you forget that people are watching you and judging you, because then you lose patience as it becomes a prestige issue – you are stressed out because your child is not behaving the way you want them to, and so you lose patience. Therefore I would say that don’t make the child’s behaviour a prestige issue. That’ll chill you down to many degrees and you won’t lose patience so easily. Please note that I am still working at it and I stumble a lot. A Lot.
I love this! I will definitely remember everything on this post by heart. I just recently started working on my patience and even practicing to talk calmly with a low tone voice. It’s not easy but I’m sure I’ll get there. I don’t want my kids to get stressed because of me. Thanks for sharing.
These are great tips. I really wish that someone else could read this article though. Bcus she has been like this my whole life, always constantly yelling at everyone when we’re going somewhere always putting everyone in a bad mood. Then wants to know why we’re not smiling or happy about being wherever we are when we pull up usually at least 10-15 mins. late. And you have to listen to her mouthing at you, all the way there.