I wake up every morning in disbelief that I am the mother of 3 little girls.
I grew up thinking my home would be full of boys. Scruffy, rough, loud, messy, loving boys.
As each pregnancy came I just knew it would be a boy and with each ultrasound… it’s a girl!
I would not trade my girls for the world but the idea of having girls scared me. Heck, I remember what it is to be a girl navigating through life, it was hard!
I remember being full of insecurities over analyzing every little move I made to make sure “they” would still find me acceptable. I remember the choices I made that I wish I could take back. I remember the dreaded attitude that came spewing from my mouth full of confused emotions.
I remember adolescents being a time when nothing made sense yet at the same time I remember these times being the best moments of my life.
I look back at this time in my life and THAT is what scared me about having girls.
What if one of them turned out just like ME?
Now, before you think I am being too hard on myself there are tons of things I see in my girls that are mirror images of me that I LOVE. But lately, it has been on my heart that they could actually take on traits of mine that are not pieces of me that I really wanted them to inherit.
The other day my oldest came to me full of insecurity. Eden is full of life and confidence, she is a child that can pretty much do anything she sets her mind to, and she is absolutely beautiful on the inside and out.
But, in this moment I saw pain and worry. I saw a her that did not feel like she was enough.
I saw a glimpse of me and it was not a piece of me I wanted to see in her.
In that moment I found myself getting frustrated with her. I wanted her to see who she really is. I wanted her to see that I find her perfect and wonderful and to heck with what others think. I wanted her to see her as who God created her to be.
In that moment I felt inadequate as her mother.
I thought how will I be equipped to help her? How will I teach her better? I pray constantly that my girls do not make the same mistakes I did. That my struggles will not become struggles of their own.
Later that day I was reminded by my sweet friend (you all know her) just how equipped I actually was. In the midst of my worry I made the entire situation about me. How will I? Why can’t I? Why, why, why?
But, in reality the answer was very clear. I am equipped because God gave ME these girls. He knew I would be there mother. He already knew the parts of me I hate and the parts of me I love. He knew before I did the struggles I would carry.
He also knew that He was going to entrust me with these little hearts and minds and that He would give me the tools to teach them better.
He knew that He would use my story and my mistakes to equip me to be the Mom He created me to be.
And just like that, through HIM I am enough.
Dude, you’re the best & the girls are lucky to have you as their kick ass mom. Don’t forget that.
Well thanks friend!
Just beautiful! I’ve often wondered the same thing…what if Charlotte gets the bad parts of me? But thankfully God knows what He’s doing, and He definitely does give us the goods to be these little girls mama.
Yes He does sweet friend!
Channing – I loved this post. I am the mom of two girls (4 and 8 months), and I also thought I would have a house full of boys. With each pregnancy, I had a boy name all picked out only to find out it was a GIRL! But, I love my princesses so much, and I am thankful that God gave me girls. BUT I have the same exact worries as you! I got all teary reading this, but I love the advice at the end. It is so true! With each mistake, I learned something that I can hopefully help my girls navigate life and be there for them when (not if) they mess up and show them the grace God has shown me. Thank you for sharing! By the way – I came to your blog through Michelle – we grew up together in the good ole CL. I now live in Deer Park. I love reading both of y’all’s posts!
Thank you so much for reading Kandace. It is a challenge having girls and so musth responsibility. Thank you goodness we are not alone in this journey of parenthood.
Loved this post so much, Channing. You are one heck of a girl mom!!! I find myself wondering the same things, even though Kennedy isn’t even 3 yet. I was a super insecure person for many many years and sometimes I am brought back to insecurities and I hate that. One thing I really want to teach my daughters in confidence!!
Thank you friend! I think all of us girls deal with insecurities to some degree. My prayer is that my girls know that they are not defined by their insecurities and that they are so much more! Love ya!