It’s one of the questions parents find themselves asking often….
“When are we ready for another baby”.
In my situation, I came into my marriage with a child. Madisyn was five when Will and I got married and it was a hot minute after saying I do (aka a month and a half later) that I became pregnant with Megan.
The second we told Madisyn we were going to have a baby, I wondered what her relationship with her new sibling would look like. Would they be best friends? Was a 6 year age gap going to be too much?
The answer is Yes.
To both questions.
Yes my girls are best friends, but we are breaking into new territory where the 6 year age gap is starting to become an issue.
Now that Madisyn is a preteen and Megan is still in PreK, things are starting to get a bit tricky.
They have always played well together and Madisyn is a big help, but we are reaching a point where play time, TV shows and even taking baths together are getting a little harder.
Trying to find the balance to allow sibling time, plus one on one time where each girl can share things that are important and age appropriate is hard. Especially with two little boys thrown into the mix as well.
I find that lately Megan will gravitate more to the twins for play 1) becuase she gets to be the big sister and boss them around and 2) they are much closer in age to her (a 2.5 year age difference) and still love imaginative play and of course 3) they are the ones home with her while big sister is off at school.
While I am excited for Megan’s new relationship with her brothers, I struggle with what things I should be doing to foster a better relationship between my girls. I struggle with finding a balance, which is the story of my life.
I also think to myself about all the friends I know that have had sisters close in their age who say they couldn’t stand each other when they were young, but now that they are adults they are best friends.
What if my girls aren’t best friends until they are older? Will that be the worst thing in the world??
I am not quite sure if there is any “magic number” for perfect age spacing between sibling.
I suppose like with most situations involving young children, it is all up to how the parents handle it.
Which is why I am seeking the help of you fine people…….
Tell me, what is the age gap in between your kiddos and how do you foster the relationship between them?
How do you cut out alone time for each of your children? Especially those of you with larger families.
And most of all, please tell me I am not the only mama who struggles with all this.
And if I am….
Lie to me.
I am obviously no expert and have zero experience with this, but I bet that when they get older it will get a lot better. It’s probably tough right now because they are at totally different stages…. maybe encouraging “sister dates” with things that they both enjoy (ice cream, a movie, etc.) would be fun! I’m sure they do that already, though 🙂
I have three kids, my oldest Nora is 21 months older then my middle Caleb. And he is 18 months older then my youngest Gavin. They are 6,4, and 3 now. I struggled with the closeness when Gavin was born, but around the time my youngest turned 2 it all fell into place. The three are an amazing team. They move around the house as one. If my two oldest are in school Gavin seems a little lost. I give him one on one time but I do not compare to his brother and sister. I don’t carve out one on one time by planning it, it just happens. One wants a book to be read. One is talking to me while doing the dishes. They each take their turns. I am a cuddle bug by nature so they get more then enough kisses and love throughout the day.
I foster their relationship by encouraging them to support each other. Each accomplishment is shared and celebrated by us all. I now hear Nora telling her brothers they are doing a great job coloring all on her own. It warms my heart. They have open door policies in their rooms, I can often find my boys playing with Nora’s doll house while she is building a train track in theirs. They are a team, the 3 amigos. Part of it is their personalities clicking, and I hope part of it is us encouraging them in loving, and liking each other. I worry that sometimes Nora feels left out not having a sister. But with my youngest and oldest only being 3 years apart, all three will I hope grow up close and remain close. I worry about this too, among 10,000 other things. Being a mom is hard!
Well if I wasn’t thinking about this before…. I AM NOW!! LOL
I figure one day at a time. We do the best we can and pray for the best. As you know, mine are both 6 yrs apart and just stages under yours. 8 & 2.
Mine are all girls & are 16, 7 & 3. There are 9 years difference between my first & second and 13 years between my first & third. My oldest was also was a previous marriage & all in all, I don’t think the girls think of themselves as anything other than “full blooded sisters.” It was really important earlier on when I got married that my oldest not feel like an outsider. She never acted like she did, but it was always something to think keep in the forefront of my mind because she was only 9 when my 2nd was born. The 7 year old DOES annoy the 16 year old (a lot) but probably because “7” wants to be like & do the same things as “16” does…and asks a lot of questions! Surprisingly, 16 adores 3! 7 & 3 play together fairly well but also fight a lot…but I think that’s to be expected w/ any siblings! (I hope!) 🙂 I’m a middle child myself, so I try to be really aware of the “middle child syndrome” w/ my 7 year old & make sure she’s not left in the dust. She’s my most sensitive, so she may request/need more sitting w/ mom time or simply looked at when doing something. One thing that was important for us to teach the girls was that they’re all entitled to their privacy. If one of them has her door shut, you knock & wait to be let in. Respect each other & their things.
I know I haven’t given ANY advice here, but I think it’s a work in progress…for everyone! I’m 1 of 3 girls just like my kids & we didn’t always get along growing up but now we’re the best of friends. We can fight, laugh & cry all within the same phone call & I wouldn’t have it any other way. I hope all of my girls will have the same kind of relationship w/ each other as I do w/ mine.
I’m nowhere near becoming a mom but I can give you some hope! It does get better! My sister and I are 5.5 years apart. I am 18 and she is 24. We are best friends. However, when we were younger, that was not quite the case. There was not much we could do together that would be entertaining for us both. She easily was annoyed when I couldn’t keep up with her and I was easily frustrated when I wasn’t able or allowed to do things that she was. Now that we have more in common, we are very close and I can’t imagine my life without her!