Confession.
I have not been a very good wife these last several weeks.
When my husband started school back in July, I let if effect me in some not so positive ways.
I have been moody, on edge and emotional. Some of it warranted, and some not so much.
It wasn’t until the other day that I realized this last month that I was more focused on me and how school was effecting me, when I should have been focused on how school was effecting us and our marriage.
Our marriage is currently in a transition stage. Our whole life is really.
We are learning what our new “normal” is and obviously with that will have to work out some kinks along the way.
One thing I am trying to focus on is being a better wife.
When I am a better wife, Will is a better husband. When we are in tune with our marriage and our needs and wants, we are a better team. And with that, better parents. Which then leads to happier children and lives just being, well, BETTER.
And who doesn’t want a happier and better life?
Here is a list of 10 Things You Should Say To Your Husband {especially me}
1) You are my best friend – remind him often, because he is.
2) I picked up your favorite snack at the store – beyond the usual grocery run grab something special that you know that he likes that you don’t normally buy.
3.) I feel proud when I am with you – For me, my husband is riduculously smart, another thing I don’t tell him enough and there are times when we will be with friends and he will speak on a topic, and I just watch him and think how proud I am that he is mine.
4) I made your favorite dinner – Like the old saying goes the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Take time to prepare on of his favorites and let him know you made it special for him.
5) Let’s put the kids to bed early tonight – I have said it before and I will say it again, your relationship started before your kids came along. Make sure your husband knows that he is a priority to you over your children.
6) I am praying for you – Maybe he has a big meeting or a deadline at work. Maybe he is just tired and worn out. Whatever the reason make sure you are not only praying for your husband daily, but make sure to let him know that you are. Maybe he is more of the keep it inside kind of guy, that is totally fine. Just simply state to him that you know he has a lot on his plate and that you are praying for him and if he has any specific request, to let you know.
7) I miss you – When he is gone and you miss him….TELL HIM. So many times throughout the day I think about how much I miss Will. Even if it’s because the children are nuts and I just want help, I need to be better about letting him know that I miss him when he is not around.
8) You are a good Dad because…. – One of the sexiest things to me about my husband is what an amazing Dad he is. Not only do I need to tell him that more, but also I need to share more of why I think that. When he tucks Megan in and reads her the same Princess story for the 8 millionth time, or when he will spend an hour on the floor building and rebuilding train tracks just so the boys can destroy them.
9) Thank you – seems so simple, and yet I know I don’t say it enough. I think over the years I have just come to expect certain things of him and have forgotten that saying Thank you, even for the simplest thing can go a long way. If he takes out the trash or does this dishes, even if he does it every night, remember to say thank you.
10) I am committed to working on our relationship – Marriage is tough stuff friends. We need to be telling our husbands that no matter how hard it may get, or how badly either of us mess up, that we are blessed to call each other husband and wife and we are committed to working on our issues.
What are some other ways we can encourage our husbands? Anything you have done recently to show your man how much he means to you?
Great list! I snapped at my husband before work this morning because he didn’t do things in the order I told him to. That seemed totally reasonable at the time, but now it seems pretty ridiculous. It is way too easy to get caught up in the stress of things and turn into that “moody, on edge and emotional” person. Thanks for the reminder!
Ladies I need some advice I recently meet some one unfortunately he is in armed forces I won’t say which one. He is stationed in another country. I have been out of the game for several years after a really bad divorce. I am also twelve years older than him. He is a widower. Very nice and eye candy oh my. He says he really likes me alot and it wouldn’t be hard to get into a long distance relationship which is what he wants. What do I do?
Love this list. Thanks for some great reminders 🙂 I have to tag on “I’m sorry” to this list. I am NOT good at apologizing. I let things fester and then finally muster up the courage to say “I’m sorry” — and often times, it’s too late. I need to say it quicker and more heartfelt. My husband is awesome at humbling himself & I definitely need to take a page out of his book.
Great advice! I always tell the hubs how proud I am of him that he’s such a hard worker. I know he appreciates those comments, too. 🙂
LOVE this!!! It’s easy to fall into the trap of how everything is affecting YOU instead of trying to look at it from his perspective. Great post, Michelle. 🙂
It’s really sad to see you perpetuating the same sad old gender roles we as women have been trying to escape from for the last thousand years. How about “I want to fulfill myself as an individual in this relationship” or “How about you make dinner tonight because I am not simply designated the house cook because of my vagina”? All you are doing is dragging us back into the muck of marital bondage when we should be trying to crawl up towards the light of spousal equality.
Good lord! I’m pretty positive she was basically generalizing & didn’t mean that the same wording would work for every relationship. I think the basic idea was being mutually supportive & loving, even when it’s not your first inclination. Cooking & having a vagina is only a big deal has so little to do with how well a marriage works.. geez.
Marriage isn’t about gender roles necessarily. It’s about the willingness and focus of putting someone else before yourself in a world that is so full of selfishness. Is it good to maintain your individuality? Yes. Is it important to be true to yourself if you’re uncomfortable with any of the suggestions above? Yes. But is it also good to remind yourself to build others up, encourage your partner? Yes. Each person has a right to function differently in their relationships but Michelle has pointed out a lot of the items that are hard to remember, hard to slow down for that can make a huge difference in many relationships. Michelle, I appreciate your insight and point of view. Thank you for sharing.
I would like to say I thought the same way u did r still do but with guys that think women r lower then them. When it comes to relationships it different girl! I already said some things on Michelle’s list and also when I say those things my husband will also say something that he is around of me. The only thing I know I should really change is to cook more lol. We have different tastes and it’s the only thing that we really need to work on. The list is not degrading to women but just to remind us that they r apart of r life and we as wife’s need to do r part. Our husbands r still humans with feelings and also need to know that we r there for them and we appreciate everything they do! It has nothing to do if we have a vagina r not. I love it when I can make my husband happy with little things, it’s an awesome feeling. I cannot complain as he has 2 job, not that he needs to, but he wanted to teach people at the college part time and loves it. He is an electrician and makes good money and me I started my own business in the animal world. I don’t make a lot but he encourages me everyday to have my dream. He also does a lot of things for me then I do for him. I wish I could do more but I’m 24 years old and found out last year that all this time with my pain since I was around 14 years old I had rheumatoid arthritis. It’s gotten a lot worse in less then a year and some days it’s hard to move. I might have another arthritis but they haven’t found it yet. My hubby is awesome and I love him! We just purchased a 79 acres land and I have no reason to complain but I’m more afraid of my future as we don’t have kids yet and I don’t know how bad I will be in 5 years r less. So yes we need to remind ourselves and to think about r other partner, straight r gay. If u keep thinking like this u will not be happy and will always compete with your husband and end up having a divorce. Don’t get me wrong we need to think about us but we r not the only one in this picture.
LOVE this! My husband just went back to school for his master’s degree so I can totally relate with only thinking about how it affects me! Sometimes we just need to take a breather and look at the whole picture. Great post!
Beautiful post and great reminder that we need continously let our husbands know that our hearts are always them. I personally like tell him that his potential and talent continues to amaze me.
Terrific things to say and with slight adjustments also wonderful to give such positive compliments to kids, friends, co-workers, etc.! Kind words go a long way. (I think you meant to say “affected” not “effected”.)
Yes, we empower men in our lives… Yet we still feel inadequate in doing so…. Its the perpetual cycle that never ends with women. On another note, “when i am a good wife, he is a better husband” … Just love yourself, and treat yourself with respect, know you deserve all those things on the list too and when you exude that, then he will be the better husband, the husband you deserve. Its a two way street, and just because you are human and take things hard, does not mean you aren’t a good wife.
This is true, too! I read through the list ( loved this, by the way) and I’m realizing a lot of this is stuff I already do. I question myself constantly because I didn’t grow up in a traditional home at all, so being a “nuclear housewife” feels really odd at times. The article was a fun read and I enjoyed it!?
Wonderful list. After being married many years, I’d say you covered all the bases quite nicely. Good job.
The basic jist of this post was to show love and respect for our significant other. If we show that we love them, admire them, honor them etc., it will usually follow that they in turn, will do the same for us. Remember the rule? Do unto others? Yeah, if I’m ugly mean, or rude and unappreciative towards my husband, I better be ready to expect the same treatment right back. But, if I go out of my way to show him little random acts of lovingkindness….well, from experience, he will do the same for me. And the effects trickle down to our children, too. They follow by example! If they never see or hear us apologize, then how can we expect them to do it? Good manners start at home. They will learn how to give selflessly to others from watching us =) It doesn’t mean we lose our self in the process. Giving people attract others.
🙂 well said.
Great post! and timely as I think we all have stress factors that influence our relationships with others. The economy, politics, crime…anything that may affect us and our families. I second, “do unto others”! that is the point really, just in our own versions. As a reminder, that we can do this for siblings, parents or just another human being. I lost my younger brother a couple of months ago and in retrospective, it helps teach us that we cannot forget what matters in this world. I think u have great insight Michelle! Inspiring and I am definitely taking some of ur reminders 🙂
I love this. I feel like all good wives should remember these things because what we put out into this world, we get back. I know that not everyone agrees with you above, but when I pledged my love to my husband in front of all of our family and friends in our church, one of my vows was to submit to my husband. At 26 I really didn’t want to say it, because I felt like I was giving up my “power.” Now 20 years later, I understand it for what it truly is. I submit to my husband because he submits to our Father. My husband is living by God’s word and would not steer us in the wrong direction. He is a good Christian man who loves me and our family and who lives as a daily example to our daughter for what to look for in a husband, and for our son as what kind of man he should grow up to be. Thank you for the reminder that my attitude does affect us all and that if I am living by God’s word, I can always do better to be a better Christian and wife.
What a great post! I need to be working on this more as well!! Thanks for the reminder!